Dosage of RELAX

We both started new jobs in the same week. Totally different schedule, and we were still getting use to Tage being home during the day. Guess we decided things weren't crazy enough.

I have a certain way I would run the home if I were home and I'm finding it a daily struggle to resist criticizing what's not done. Even when my amazing husband does every stitch of laundry and has the homework and reading done every night, I still find myself overwhelmed by the many tiny things that are undone. I need to relax. My kids are happy and healthy. My husband enjoys his new job. I love my job. We both have jobs and that's more than a lot of others have now. I need to be grateful, and okay that my house isn't going to be immaculate, and homemade meals aren't going to be eloquently presented on the dinner table every night. 

As I settle into a new career, there aren't set hours and it's much different than a job I clocked in and clocked out of and came home. My job now doesn't just stop at 5pm, but I can understand how it's difficult to make the transition when we are use to me simply clocking out and getting home at the same time everyday. For me, wrapping up end of day emails, tying up a few lose ended conversations, making sure everyone I manage is okay for the rest of the day doesn't automatically end at 5pm everyday. 

Sometimes we are both just floundering in getting comfortable, having the faith that we'll make it through. We both feel strongly that we are doing what's best for our family right now. Just because it's right doesn't mean it's easy. (Eating healthy is right, but not always easy or comfortable). 

Probably a big dose of RELAX for the both of us, followed by a tall glass of GRATITUDE could come in handy just about now.

"Real" Life

I never imagined I would use the titles 

"ex-husband"

 "step-kids"

"second marriage"

 "ex-wife"

"Mom's Boyfriend"

"Dad's Girlfriend"

My life is amazing, I am so greatly blessed with a wonderful husband, with incredible in-laws in my life that have embraced me into their family and have loved my children without hesitation. My husband's ex-wife is wonderful and I'm blessed to call her my friend. My children have a great new sibling, and live in a safe, clean, caring neighborhood. My husband builds forts, visits my Mom, hangs out with the kids, helps with homework, is involved and aware of all of our individual lives, and he makes amazing dinners! My life is better than I had imagined, yet completely different than I could've ever believed it would be. 

There are still moments, much fewer and far between than before, but still moments....where it all feels pretend. I find myself waiting for it to all "POOF" and disappear. I find myself hesitant to put my 100% FAITH in this life.  I trust my husband, I trust the Lord. It's those moments of doubt that freak me out.

I wonder if there are moments in everyone's life where it just doesn't feel like "Real Life".

What is "Real Life" anyway?! Anything and everything we do is real, it's not like we are living in the Matrix. Even when bad things happen, even if people come in and out of our lives, it's all REAL! It all adds up to MY life. It all contributes to who I am. 

As Tage and I venture into a new phase, which seems to be the nature of our life...I find myself taking yet, another leap of Faith that makes this life even more concrete, even more tangible, more reliable, more permanent, more REAL!

So, here we go...2 new jobs in the same week. Possibility of a new home, holidays around the corner....

So glad I have a wonderful husband to cling to through the craziness of REAL life!

But I'm so Comfy!

"Comfortable", and "Good Enough" have never been my thing. I've always ran around crazy with my head chopped off trying to do as much as possible. Yet, over the past year I have found comfort and good enough in my job. It has provided stability and peace.

But so does sitting on the couch everyday never going anywhere, knowing nothing bad will happen because you aren't doing anything...If you don't get in your car, there will be no chance of a car accident. If you don't go for a jog, there will be no chance for tripping.

Just as I wish I could keep my kids so close to me all day to make sure they are okay, I still want them to grow up and learn all the lessons that will create the best people they can be. Unfortunately, we don't become better by never taking a chance. We can't progress without leaps of faith. We can't learn necessary lessons without messing up.

So, here I go taking a leap, hoping I don't fall flat on my face. Yet, knowing that even if I do, it will be better than having just sat on the couch all day. I start my new job next week. I'm THRILLED!

Who knows what can happen when all possibilities for growth now exist!

Making Dinner - FAIL

 

 After an early morning, long day at work, and a long commute home, I'm hungry and excited to spend time with my family. Sometimes spending time in the kitchen making dinner helps me dive into serving my family and feeling "Home." Other times it feels like I went from being stuck at my desk, to being stuck in my car, to being stuck in the Kitchen. 

Monday, I decided to make dinner. I really wanted to sit as a family, and just enjoy being home. We had all been apart all weekend. We were low on meat, but we had Tuna. I like Tuna, and the kids like Tuna. So, I remembered a much loved College Day recipe, that used Tuna but was so yummy. I found the closest recipe I could according to my memory, put it all together, and 40 minutes later, we were all seated at the table enjoying dinner.

Bobo was crying because he wasn't feeling well. He didn't feel like eating. Dooda was voicing his normal rejection of food. Lulu and Tage ate the food, and I was pleased to have magically created a dinner from "nothing" and have Tage even like the ever rejected Tuna!

It wasn't exactly the enjoyable dinner time that I felt I had worked for, but we were together and it was better than nothing. Until...Tage found out that I had put TUNA in the casserole, that I had conveniently titled "Tater Tot Casserole" thinking that he would actually like it, and that his complaints about Tuna have been invalid.

I was so frustrated that I had spent time in the kitchen only to come out a failure and have more dishes to do. I was mad that I didn't work the Tuna Magic that I thought I had. I knew it was NOT worth getting mad over the fact that Tage does not like tuna....OFFICIALLY. And, no one asked me to make dinner, I chose to make dinner. I could've whipped up some Ramen Noodles, or picked up Taco Bell, but I didn't.

Moral of the story is: Accept your loved ones for who they are, even their likes and dislikes. 

Do things out of love and because you choose to, not for praise or with expectation. 

We'll have Cereal next time :)

Team Marriage

In every team there are different responsibilities and contributions. Different strengths and weaknesses. Yet when the team scores a goal, the entire team shares all that it took to make it happen.

Tages "Position": Home Base

Things he gets to do:

• Get the kids up in the morning
• Watch cartoons with Bobo
• See Lulu's new fashion of the day
• Do laundry while watching the morning talk shows
• Arrange play dates
• Do homework with the kids
• See Bobo's face all day
• See Lulu get off the bus (which I've never done)
• Provide service to others in the middle of the day

He's great at all of it. It's a position I use to play, and now he gets to do it. I get jealous. I get frustrated that I don't get to have that "position". I sometimes feel bad that he is better at it than I was. But, when I remember that he's my teammate and needs my encouragement and support, he deserves my respect and admiration for his accomplishments and hard work, it feels much better.

As I pursue a career with many possibilities, I find myself forming a new "position". As exciting as a new career can be, I still have moments of jealousy that I don't get to be "Home Base". I have to remember everything has a time and a purpose.

So, rather than be jealous and resentful...when he gets to serve others in the middle of the day, I remember that we are a team, and because of both of our efforts "WE" get to provide service. And "WE" make a new career successful. And "WE" both contribute to allowing the kids to be home and have Bobo watch morning cartoons, and Lulu get off the bus. And even though I'm not there...both of our efforts have created this lifestyle. Without either of our efforts this wouldn't exist.

The late nights at the office, or the early mornings developing a plan...are all part of having my kids enjoy the wonderful blessings of being home. It contributes to my husband being able to focus on school and create the line of work he chooses.

CHOOSE TO BE A TEAM PLAYER!

Check out my AMAZING Teammate HERE.

If I Died...

It's October!  Here is a fitting topic for the Halloween season:

If I died...

My kids would live with their Dad. The structure of my family as it is, would cease to exist.

Tage's life would go back to what it was: Single Dad with his son every other weekend.

So, that poses the question: what is life insurance for?
Is it to insure the life that you built, is able to continue on?
Does that mean it goes to your children or to your husband?

In a traditional family it's a simple choice, it would go to your spouse in order to continue to support the life that you both built together.

Also, Tage is legally obligated to financially support his son.
As the head of this household he financially contributes, but has no legal obligation to do so.

Yet, if he were to die the family he and I have put together would continue on. I would still have my children on the same schedule and I would hope to still have my step son on the same schedule. Hard to think if he were to leave this life, he would be physically missing from ours while financially supporting another.

So...where should my life insurance go?
Where should Tage's life insurance go?

Not very fun to think about. I plan on living a very very long time, just to avoid having to deal with any of this...lol!

Giving Support vs. Taking Offense

People get frustrated. People have bad days. It's just how life is.

When a child is handed a blue cup rather than a pink cup, they may choose to get frustrated. When a child has a bad day at school and comes home angry or sad...

Do you immediately feel offended?  Run to your room and cry that you aren't good enough? Maybe if you were good enough, or prettier or thinner or wore cuter clothes or cleaned the house better, then they wouldn't be frustrated, angry, or sad.

Obviously that's ridiculous! Their feelings of frustration, anger, or sadness have nothing to do with you.

But, we do this to our spouses all the time...Tage was having such a frustrating time with his school work. I wanted to fix it, but I knew that all he needed from me was, "That sucks. Anything I can do?" What he didn't need from me was; "Why don't you just this or that? Or maybe if you would do this it would work." He is a really smart man that is capable of fixing his problems and even when I might have the answer it's better to give  him my confidence rather than my ingeniousness.:) Read how he was feeling here.

I am learning that when he has a bad day, or a frustrating moment, that it very rarely has to do with me. And, I need to take myself out of the situation in order to be supportive and simply be a friend. 

If you had a bad day you wouldn't want your spouse to be offended by your grumpiness, you would want them to say, "Hey grumpy, you okay? What can I do? I love you. It's going to be okay." 

Full-time Working Mom: Fit Tip #1

When I was a stay-at-home Mom I could workout every day, eat normal and lose weight.
Now, as a full-time-working Mom, sitting at a desk job makes it extremely difficult to lose weight.
Not to mention the every week office Pot Luck, free lunches, and vending machine last-minute snacks, that don't help.


I know there are a million Fitness and Health blogs, I thought I would share some tips for what to do when you have to sit for the majority of your day.

Tip #1: 

WALK DURING BREAKS

1 Hour Lunch Break: Approximately 300 calories
2-15min Breaks: 150 Calories.

Total burned: 450 Calories.

4a.m.- Working Mom Schedule

4:00 AM- That is the goal...
Being a full-time working mom comes with some great sacrifices. One of those is sleep.
I work at 7am with a 40min commute. That ads up to an early early morning.

My alarm goes off at 4:30 right now.
This allows me enough time to work out for 30 minutes.

• Pack kids lunch
• Gather up toys as I go back up stairs
• Shower and dressed
• 5 minute scripture study with Tage
• Prayer
• Kiss the sleeping kids
• Grab a bag of carrots and a handful of almonds as I walk out the door at 6:20
• (should be more like 6:10)
• I do my makeup at my desk

But, if I can't find my workout clothes then my workout gets cut short.
and if I go to get my water and I come up with a great Crock Pot quick dinner idea, then my workout also gets cut short.

So, 4am would guarantee a 30min workout and sometimes a full hour!

Just think that would add 2.5 hours to my life each week!

If only sleeping wasn't so so nice :)

Sparkly Pink Shoes

Every mom will know what I'm talking about...

Your little girl wants to wear the pink sparkle shoes, but they are too small and hurt her feet.
She throws a crazy fit about wanting to wear the sparkle shoes.
You tell her it's fine to wear the pink shoes.
She yells, but they hurt my feet!
Okay, so wear your flip flops.
I don't want to wear the flip flops.
Okay wear the pink shoes.
But they hurt!

And around and around you go.

 We do this more than we think as adults.
You might be in a horrible relationship that hurts and is uncomfortable.Or a job that is destroying you. You may be in a bad habit, or addiction, etc.

Yet you will kick and scream to stay.
You may get a chance to get out, but flip flops certainly are not as attractive as pink sparkly shoes.
We will kill ourselves to wear those shoes that make a great appearance as long as possible, but when we take them off, we find we have destroyed ourselves.
If we would become more humble in order to wear the flip flops for a short time while we wait for new cute shoes, we wouldn't have to inflict so much pain on ourselves.