Team Marriage

In every team there are different responsibilities and contributions. Different strengths and weaknesses. Yet when the team scores a goal, the entire team shares all that it took to make it happen.

Tages "Position": Home Base

Things he gets to do:

• Get the kids up in the morning
• Watch cartoons with Bobo
• See Lulu's new fashion of the day
• Do laundry while watching the morning talk shows
• Arrange play dates
• Do homework with the kids
• See Bobo's face all day
• See Lulu get off the bus (which I've never done)
• Provide service to others in the middle of the day

He's great at all of it. It's a position I use to play, and now he gets to do it. I get jealous. I get frustrated that I don't get to have that "position". I sometimes feel bad that he is better at it than I was. But, when I remember that he's my teammate and needs my encouragement and support, he deserves my respect and admiration for his accomplishments and hard work, it feels much better.

As I pursue a career with many possibilities, I find myself forming a new "position". As exciting as a new career can be, I still have moments of jealousy that I don't get to be "Home Base". I have to remember everything has a time and a purpose.

So, rather than be jealous and resentful...when he gets to serve others in the middle of the day, I remember that we are a team, and because of both of our efforts "WE" get to provide service. And "WE" make a new career successful. And "WE" both contribute to allowing the kids to be home and have Bobo watch morning cartoons, and Lulu get off the bus. And even though I'm not there...both of our efforts have created this lifestyle. Without either of our efforts this wouldn't exist.

The late nights at the office, or the early mornings developing a plan...are all part of having my kids enjoy the wonderful blessings of being home. It contributes to my husband being able to focus on school and create the line of work he chooses.

CHOOSE TO BE A TEAM PLAYER!

Check out my AMAZING Teammate HERE.

Saturday: His Way or Your Way

We can be so different sometimes, and I find myself totally annoyed when I compromise too much.

He doesn't ask me to compromise, it's my own choice, and that's the most annoying part. 

My perfect Saturday Morning: 

• Wake up about 7:30
• Go for a jog
• Clean the house
• Pack a picnic
• Go hiking
• Run some erands
• Home for an afternoon "nap"
• Then a date

This morning: 

• I wake up about  7:30
• Clean the house
• Then lay back in bed with Tage
• Get the computer to blog
• He turns on his favorite Avatar cartoons
  and here I sit wishing we were out for a jog or an early morning hike.

But, the day is young, we'll see if it ends up being a Tage Saturday or My type of Saturday. 

Hopefully it turns out to be a bit of both. 

What's your Saturday like, does it go your way or his way?

Have a great Saturday! I'm headed out for jog!

Just Bread and Milk

We were out of bread and milk.
It was late, but the kids wanted their regular pre-bed toast snack.
I went to the store and came back with:

• Bread (2 loaves, they were on sale for $1)
• Milk (whole for Tage)
• Almond Milk (for me)
• Non Dairy Milk (for Grant)
• Grapes (thought it would be nice for Tage to have some fresh fruit available for the kids this week)
• Eggs (we were down to 1, and sometimes eggs are all that Tage will make for himself)
• Lettuce (carrots was the only current fresh vegetable we had in the house, and I like salad)
• Onions (onions are a constant necessity, and we were down to 1)

I was proud of myself for only getting necessities.
I thought they would make Tage's new life at home a bit easier...

I walked in the door with my bags of groceries and Tage says, "I thought you were only getting Milk and Bread?"
My first thought...Why doesn't he appreciate me, I went all the way to the grocery store, instead of watching America's Got Talent, and even got a few other necessities so that his life could be easier. Why can't I ever be good enough?

Then, I switched my mind set and thought: I love you, my ungrateful man. When you are eating eggs tomorrow  instead of being sad that there is only 1 egg left, maybe just maybe, you'll be glad I got some extra's. And if not, then sad for you that you can't find gratitude. 

I say (with a smile and a bit of sass): "Yup, just lots of Milk and Bread." 

As woman, it's so so easy for us to assume negative intent. We take everything personally, when most of the time it has nothing to do with us, it's simply a different perspective of the situation.

He was more focused on the money spent, when the expectation I set was that Milk and Bread would be purchased and all he saw was 4 additional grocery bags, of who knows what...

If I had assumed positive intent, then I could think: There is my Hero protecting our family from unnecessary spending. I'm sure glad we help each other stay on track with our finances...(then let  him do all the grocery shopping) :)

Read what Tage had to say about this.

Giving Support vs. Taking Offense

People get frustrated. People have bad days. It's just how life is.

When a child is handed a blue cup rather than a pink cup, they may choose to get frustrated. When a child has a bad day at school and comes home angry or sad...

Do you immediately feel offended?  Run to your room and cry that you aren't good enough? Maybe if you were good enough, or prettier or thinner or wore cuter clothes or cleaned the house better, then they wouldn't be frustrated, angry, or sad.

Obviously that's ridiculous! Their feelings of frustration, anger, or sadness have nothing to do with you.

But, we do this to our spouses all the time...Tage was having such a frustrating time with his school work. I wanted to fix it, but I knew that all he needed from me was, "That sucks. Anything I can do?" What he didn't need from me was; "Why don't you just this or that? Or maybe if you would do this it would work." He is a really smart man that is capable of fixing his problems and even when I might have the answer it's better to give  him my confidence rather than my ingeniousness.:) Read how he was feeling here.

I am learning that when he has a bad day, or a frustrating moment, that it very rarely has to do with me. And, I need to take myself out of the situation in order to be supportive and simply be a friend. 

If you had a bad day you wouldn't want your spouse to be offended by your grumpiness, you would want them to say, "Hey grumpy, you okay? What can I do? I love you. It's going to be okay." 

Toilet Paper Roll Misunderstanding

(Thank you "Pinnedit" for the pic)

My wonderful husband comes up with some great ideas. His latest idea was making "Rocket Pack" for the boys out of recycled soda bottles.
About a month ago he said we should start saving toilet paper rolls to make these...

(Thank you Thrifty Craft Girl for pic)

One morning I say a few empty toilet paper rolls on the back of the tub, I thought, "we must be starting to save for Halloween already." So, every time there is an empty toilet paper roll, I toss it on the pile. Now, reading my Husbands Blog I find out that he doesn't know why there are toilet paper rolls sitting all over the bathrooms. Ha ha ha! I guess I can start throwing them away now, or just leave them on the toilet paper dispenser for him to change, since that's part of his job now...he he :)

I told Dooda to wipe the toothpaste off his mouth with toilet paper. He took a square of toilet paper and wiped his mouth, and Tage said "NO, wipe it on the towel, tp costs money"! I'm sure I suddenly gave him the "death look" and calmly said, "Honey, it's okay, it's toilet paper. I'm okay with him wiping his mouth on it, it's better than on the hand towel or his bath towel." He did not agree, he was determined to save the toilet paper square. Avoiding a fight over a toilet paper square as we sat in the family prayer circle, we silently agreed to disagree.

So glad that he started a blog, I finally have a place to go to understand what the heck he is thinking! I'm glad to know that he was aware of why he freaked out. And most importantly that I WAS RIGHT! ha ha.

I am so impressed at his willingness and ability to do all the Stay-at-home stuff. He asked if I would be willing to do the dishes last night and I really didn't want to, and it crossed my mind, "but you've been home all day." And then I quickly thought about when I was home all day how nice it was that the dishes or laundry or any housework would get done. And I made myself do the dishes.

My husband is doing a wonderful job as a Stay-at-home Dad. Raising step children can not be easy. Raising my own children is not easy. As great as it would be to be home again, I don't know that I would make the drastic change as seemingly easy as he has.

Certified Choc. Milk Maker

(Thank you Brave Tart for the image)

I use to feel like no matter what I did or how I did it, it was never good enough. After my divorce I learned that I like who I am. Now in my second marriage I have had to learn how to be confident in who I am and what I do. And sometimes you have to start with baby steps, I took a step with the chocolate milk.
-------------------------

As I stirred the chocolate milk, my husband states, "That's not how you do it?"

I look at him with confusion and think : Seriously, I think I've made enough chocolate milk in my life to not mess this up completely. Then I think what the heck and I say exactly what I thought...

He comes back with, "No, let me show you and reaches for the glass." 

Um, no. (with all the sass and cute smirk as I could gather, I continue to stand my ground).  I didn't realize that you were a certified Chocolate Milk Maker. 

He rolls his eyes and walks away....VICTORY! I stand tall knowing that I have shown myself and him that I can fend for myself and am his strong equal partner that he can rely on.

-------------------

The old me scenario: (Don't judge, I know I use to be a doormat)

"That's not how you do it?"

My feelings would be hurt... I would think, if he doesn't have confidence in me to make chocolate milk, then he must not have any at all...

I would pathetically change the way I was making the chocolate milk, in hopes that I would become more acceptable to my husband, "Ruler of the Chocolate Milk making."

I would have shown him that I am a weak individual who doesn't demand respect, even over the way I choose to make my chocolate milk, and I would've lost even more confidence he had for me. 

When all it really was, was him being dumb about the chocolate milk not being made his way.
I'm sure Tage will have something to say about this READ HERE.

I Could Get Use to This!

I came home to a spotless kitchen, vac'd floors, clean garage, and kids doing homework.

Tage being home is working out way better than expected!

Read his adventures here.

My Side of the Story!

My sweet husband posted "What really happened..."
Here is my side of the story!
BRING IT ON!


When He's Late:

I had put dinner in the crock pot early that morning. It had been a while since I had made dinner and as I drove home I had visions of walking in the door from a long day at work to the whole family setting the table and singing church hymns...only in my dreams!

I had talked to Tage earlier that day and he was headed over to Gma's house to mow her lawn. As I drove home I realized that he was still at Gma's and as I pulled up in anticipation for serving my family a warm meal, he told me that he was eating at Gma's. I shortly replied, "But, I made dinner." He said he would eat twice. I quickly ended the call, attempting to mask my frustration in a busy rushed tone.

I had just worked all day! I had to pick up the kids from Day Care, get them dinner, start homework, when he could've mowed Gma's lawn earlier or even yesterday!


The very next day...

When I'm Late: 

There was an opportunity to get some overtime. Tage said I should take the opportunity. So, on a Friday night I worked an extra 4 hours! I was so proud of myself for staying as long as I did. I thought I would bail after only an hour. I didn't know exactly how long finishing the project would last, so about an hour into it, I estimated to Tage that I would be about another hour and a half.

Working on a Friday night certainly is not what I would choose to do, but under our current circumstances, it was necessary and I was glad to make the sacrifice...until...

I called on my way home and the first thing I got was, "You are 30 minutes late. Why couldn't you just have finished it another day?..."

I freaked out! "Maybe you could just say, thanks for being willing to work such a long day, you must be so tired, I think you are so amazing! What would I ever do with out you?!" He said I should relax on my way home...that just made me more mad!  As if this was my problem!

I just got more and more mad on my commute home, adding every possible thing to my frustration, and the evening evolved from pure silence to an emotional conversation, to a realization that he could've freaked out on me the night before for the exact same thing.

Tage's 1st Day as Stay at Home Dad!

He survived! 

I had no doubt!

He's jumping right in with a Blog and all!

Read about his 1st Day HERE!

I LOVE YOU!

Things he may learn:

• Why the house isn't spick and span when he gets home.  
• When 5pm roles around why I haven't even thought about dinner yet. 
• I have to go to bed early before I freak out!
• Why it's helpful to clear the table after Dinner and let me relax 

Things I may learn: 

• Why it's so nice to have the house clean when I get home
• Why it's so nice to have dinner ready when I get home
• How hard it is after a long day at work to take over parenting when I walk through the door.
• It's tough to want to do housework after work, when he's been home all day. 

Oh, how quickly the roles reverse, and how easy it is to fall right into un-appreciation for a role I once lived...and couldn't understand why it was so hard for a husband to come home and take over the house and children...

Tageit!

My husband is like Google. But a real person.
He knows all the good places to eat.
He is currently expanding his data base into camping and hiking areas of recommendation.

People call and text him all the time about where to go eat this weekend.

Thought it would be worth posting his current recommendation:



Dinner Menu

We went here for my B-Day, it's FANTASTIC. Smaller servings, but every bite is delicious. Not on the cheap side, so save it for a special occasion.